“Happiness is the destination of almost everyone in this world”
While we try our best to feel good about our life and feel satisfied, most often end up getting hurt in one way or another and there seems to be no way around it. There seem to be no way around disappointment and pain.
So, how do we stop the pain? How to stop feeling bad?
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL PAIN?
A lot of things can make a person feel bad.
There are two kinds of pain :
Clean Pain : The pain that you feel when you lose a loved one. That’s direct and it’s called clean pain. Clean pain needs to be grieved.
Dirty Pain : The pain that you feel cause of the thoughts that arise because of the event of losing a loved one. That is called a dirty pain.
“Maybe he left me because I wasn’t good enough! Maybe I am a bad person. Maybe I am meant to be alone”
These thoughts can bring in a great deal of unhappiness and pain. The only way to get through it, is to disbelieve. You need to stop taking those thoughts seriously and say “ No”.
I have separated the answers to good measures and escape measures. Escape measures are just a temporary relief and getting addicted to them might lower the quality of our life.
Good Measures to avoid feeling bad
The only way out of grief is through it.
The important fact about grieving is that : The intense emotions that we feel at times, anger , sadness and other stuff, they only last for 90 seconds if we let it flow and stop resisting it.
It would be rough and it would be different for different people because the emotions are pretty unpredictable. We might feel better for awhile and out of nowhere, the pain would come. I have been through this a lot of times and trust me I know how you feel.So let yourself feel it all. Only then you can truly let go.
Remember these points
- Don’t fear the pain : Face it. Acknowledge that it exist and express it.
- Take care of yourself : Sometimes we lose ourself in this process. So, do things that we normally do for fun and get a sense of “you”. The last thing we want is to lose ourself.
2) ACCEPT THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION
Acceptance is the key to moving on.
Do not deny what’s in front of us. I know that acceptance might take a long period of time as losing someone or something valuable would disrupt our sense of identity. But eventually, one needs to accept the reality of the situation.
We need to start seeing things for the way they actually are.
What do I mean by this? Let’s say that you had just been through a break up and it is extremely painful for you. You find it hard to accept the fact that he/she’s gone. This generally happens because we are struck in a reality where you two end up together and happy but the actual reality is he/she might have a character flaw or your relationship is actually toxic.
3) STOP EXPECTING:
Let go of the need for something to fulfil you.
People say that when things go the way they expected, they would feel good about themselves and they feel happy. But if you are here, something or someone didn’t live up to your expectations or something worse happened out of the blue and you feel horrible.
So how does one stop expecting?
Let go of the need for something to fulfill you.
When you are good enough as you are. When you are happy with yourself and love yourself, you wouldn’t want an external entity to come and give you pleasure and happiness.
Does it mean that we need to be socially detached and that you don’t need anybody?
No. This means that you do not need friends and relationships to fill the hole inside it. It means “Its okay when things don’t go your way”. Just cause your relationship died, doesn’t mean you would end up alone. Its fine. It’s fine when things don’t go your way.