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How to love yourself more (Complete Guide)

“ To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment of all”

In a world where failures and disappointments are more common than ever before, it is easy to blame our-self. It is easy to forget our value and fall into a pattern of sadness and a sense of inadequacy!

We often find our-self in a dark place filled with pain and suffering. And facing that day after day can make you give up on hope! I know life can be bad at times.

Here I am telling you, you are worthy. You are amazing for just being here and reading this. This means you still have hope. It means you are a fighter. That is more than what most people do. 

You are the hero of your own story and I am going to help you find your way {“type”:”block”,”srcClientIds”:[“99b8ce5f-2591-46a8-926e-7d47d6b737be”],”srcRootClientId”:””}back to loving yourself:


“Feelings and emotions drives our actions”

It’s not logic or intelligence. It’s our emotions. Our values. And most of us are not self aware.

Do a small self awareness test. Know yourself. Know what you truly desire. Know your fears and weaknesses. 

“When you are disconnected with yourself, how can you love yourself?”

Here are the important things you need to know:

  • Your values
  • Your desires and needs in life
  • Your emotions and feelings : Why you feel the way you feel. How to handle it
  • Your fears and weaknesses

Once you know yourself, you can love yourself!


Accepting and pretending just have a small line between them

If you are feeling awful about some trait that you possess, you need to acknowledge it and change it. You can’t just pretend that you love yourself if you actually don’t

“Loving yourself is basically feeling good about yourself”

So, if you don’t actually feel good about who you are, know what you would like to change about your behavior or a trait and work on it. 

If you don’t feel good being overweight, then hit the gym. Bet you would feel good. If you don’t feel good about you smoking alot, put an effort to end that practice.

Sometimes, a little effort to improve yourself can go a long way.


“Affirmations by itself cannot change your life but it can help with your mindset”

Even after being self aware and being the best version of yourself, life would throw punches at you that would push you back into a loop of self doubt.

It is impossible to feel good all the time. 

That is exactly why you use affirmations : “Affirmations helps you avoid self doubt”

Use it as a tool to help yourself get over hard times. That’s all.


“Do unto others what you would do unto you”

Helping others can actually be deeply satisfying and fulfilling. There were so many researches that proves this statement. People are happier when they serve!

“In service we find true happiness”

So find it in your heart to help people whenever you can. And that is enough.


Immediately after you read that word, someone came to your mind. Right?

Someone who was completely unfair and awful to you. Someone left a hole in your heart and you feel incomplete. Right?

“Are you in peace with your past traumas?”

If not, work on it. It is extremely important to work on it. Letting go can make you whole again.

Healing will make you better. Which is important for you to love yourself.


Sometimes you need to look at the big picture

“Life is short! When it’s over, it’s over”

 So don’t take your dreams to the graveyard with you”

It would be hard to love yourself if you deny yourself and your dreams 

You may not achieve everything that you desire, but the fact that you tried it with all your heart, is more than enough for you to rest in peace!

“Have you given every ounce of your soul to get what your heart truly desires?”

Again, if you seek love and affection more than anything else, be smart enough to hold on to that. And never ever let go!

So, think about it, becoming the best version of yourself and living your life fully being true to your desires sound good? Or being trapped in a cycle of self doubt and hate sound good?

You decide!


What do I mean by growth? What does it have to do with self love? 

Everyone of us has dreams and goals and expectations about our future and the way we want our lives to turn out. 

But quite often, we may not get what we seeked to achieve. Maybe you couldn’t find love. Maybe you couldn’t get fit. Maybe you find it hard to reach your goals and aspirations. 

These setbacks we have in life is the starting point of losing self esteem and eventually hating ourselves. Right? 

It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to not be able to achieve your goals because we are all humans and we make mistakes and we often procrastinate and lose focus. 

One need to realize that growth only comes from these failures and setbacks and are stepping stones into becoming a better version of yourself

Ask yourself, if you were the best version of yourself right now, would you be happy and love yourself and your life? 

So make a to-be list. Add the traits that you wish you had and constantly put in an effort to get there.

It’s okay if you fail. The important thing is you tried and you are still trying. That’s enough ❤


We live in a world where we focus too much on the result than the process that goes into getting that result. 

Failure is okay. Did you put everything you had? Did you try very hard? Did you give it your all? That’s what matters

It doesn’t matter if you finish first or last. What matters is the effort you put into it. 

Appreciate the efforts and learn from the mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not getting the result. Be happy you tried and try harder the next time. 


While it’s important to work towards growth and try to improve your self and your life, it is also extremely essential to be able to appreciate and enjoy every little thing you have. 

Jay shetty the author of think like a monk states ” Everything in life is borrowed. We own nothing and we live in borrowed time”

This just states that everything in life is temporary and signifies the impermanence of life. The things you have today, you might not have tomorrow. 

Your health, your friends, your house, family, love : Everything is temporary and at some point in life we might not have what we have today. even clean water and pure air is something that would be hard to get in the near future. 

So be grateful and appreciate everything about your own life and yourself. 


Even if you are mentally tough and emotionally intelligent, sometimes if we let people they would make us feel bad about ourselves. 

It’s important to surround ourselves with people who are like minded and share similar values with us. 

While it’s okay to fool around with friends, it’s important for you to identify people who bring you down or hurt you in anyway and remove them from your life. 

Alot of us rely on people’s perspective on us for our self worth. We need to break this mindset. 

Your value and worth has nothing to do with what people think of you but has everything to do with what you think of yourself


One could also feel bad about themselves and their life if they are chasing after something that they do not believe in. 

Ask yourself : Are your chasing after something that you truly love and believe in or are these goals forced upon you by society? 

Even if we have clear goals that reflect our true values and aspirations, we often get derailed and distracted and we switch paths in between because of situations and influences. 

So it’s important to include self reflection practices to keep in touch with our inner voice that guides us at every point in life. 

Here are some mindfulness habits:

  • Meditation
  • Journaling


While it is considered rude and selfish to think about ourselves and our needs at all times, it is important we put ourselves first when it comes to certain important things. 

People often accept or tolerate things that happens around them even though it affects them badly in some way. 

For instance, people stay in romantic relationships that are toxic and hurtful. People stay in jobs that pretty much drains the life out of them.  

Treat yourself the way you treat the people you love


Emotions are everything right? 

If we are in a emotionally good state of mind, everything around you looks and feels beautiful and you are more productive but if we are in a emotionally bad state every small thing pisses us off. 

Getting this emotional intelligence is a long process which requires us to :

  • Process our traumas
  • Knowing and understanding our fears
  • Knowing how to observe our emotions and not react to it
  • And so much more depending on the specific person. 


While we focus on growing and becoming better, it’s important to understand that we cannot be perfect. 

Aiming for perfection is the easiest way to hate yourself. 

Let’s face the fact, we are all humans and we cannot be good at everything. 

I know this can be contradictive to what we have been told all our lives but here it goes

” One cannot achieve whatever they set their mind to”

We all have our limits intellectually, emotionally and physically. While it is possible to become better with practice, there are certain things that we cannot control that would stop us from achieving certain things

So it’s important to accept our imperfections and find a way to love it. 

In the movie, “me before you”, the actor hates his life after his body becomes paralyzed. He used to travel and explore everything around the world and now is fated to live in a room confined by four walls. 

The only way to move forward to to understand and accept the imperfections and find a way to love the new life. 

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Written by Sai Subramaniam

Sai has over 4 years experience writing about mental health and productivity. He shares his thoughts about love, life and business in this blog. His goal is to help people become the best version of themselves and is guided by experts in the psychology and mental health field to help educate everyone about lifestyle and productivity

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